And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
