I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
