In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
