Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
