I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
