If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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