I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
