turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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