I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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