you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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