I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
