Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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