I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
