I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
