She's JV to your varsity
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
