I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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