so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
