Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
