hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
