You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
