do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
