The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
