i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
