apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
