grandma shit on top of the toilet
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
