allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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