I seem to have left my pride at pride
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
