it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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