trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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