I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
