Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
