11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You really coming over, don't trick.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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