WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
