I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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