Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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