We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
