i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
