so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
