I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
