...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
