I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
