and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
