Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
