ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
