Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
