considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
