going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
