we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
