I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
