Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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