My first STD was from a foam party
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
