well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
