making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
