We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
