ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
