Swine flu. Run for my life!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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