Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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