Already got asked if we're dating
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
